this old man

put him in a home!

Things That Are Red

This movie is dedicated to my favorite color, and to anyone who ever dared to color with it. I must be a relative of Sergei burgerflippin' Eisenstein, with all this deep montage and stuff. DANG.



Starting on March 26, please vote for this video to win the Project Breakout viral video competition by clicking here to visit the site.

Happy Saddy Patty's Daddy

St. Patrick, Please cast the snakes of sobriety from out the hearts and livers of us all.

me-and-todd dot com

If you pressed "enter" to get into here, then you've witnessed the official arrival of ME-AND-TODD dot COM ! ! ! Totally BOGUS ! ! ! !

Skeet Skeet Greet

I'm starting a greeting card company. Here's a sample of some of my gender-specific cards.

Happy Birthday, Jack

For writing On The Road (which I haven't read) and The Dharma Bums (which I did read and liked), America salutes you, King of Beatniks.

Making Books with Jessi

Hey Jessi! Remember that book we made for Mollie on her 21st Birthday? I like making books with YOU, Jessi. And Mollie! Two years later, I'd like to re-wish you a Happy 21st. You can drink then! Thanks for mailing this to me.

No Shirt, No Shoes, Go Shopping!

As of NOW, I have a store. Feel free to browse.

Let's Play Dead, Y'all!

Wussup, you pink-skinned, normal-eyed, straight-walkin' prankster. Mister or Miss Livey Aliverson.

Want to COLLABORATE?? Make a VIDEO? Do a TALKSHOW? Do a RADIOSHOW? Make a DOCUMENTARY about ANYTHING? RECORD a SONG? Make a COMIC BOOK? Put together some COSTUMES and try STREET PERFORMANCE? Invent a BOARD GAME? Or a VIDEO GAME? Make a PAINTING? Do IMPROV in the PARK? Eat a SANDWICH? Play some KICKBALL?



If you want to do anyTHING, anyTIME, from WHERE ever YOU may BE, I suggest you visit the EXQUISITE ZOMBIES, some of the ILLEST peops on the net. There, you must C.R.O.A.K. (Create Realistic Online Alias [and] Killyourself [metaphorically]) by clicking on "DIALOGUE", creating a PROFILE, and uploading a PIC on the freaky deaky BULLETIN BOARD.

... and then be REBORN. Sort of. You'll actually be UNDEAD....


To buy an Official Exquisite Zombie T-Shirt, to raise awareness and the dead, check out my online store!

Holy Ninjas!

In April, A film that I started to make with the Bamsley House Production Co. will be turning 4-years-old! To celebrate this occasion, I'm happy to announce that I will be releasing a Director's Cut of said film, "Holy Ninjas!" So look forward to that!
The trailer, submitted-to and lost-at John Woo's Ninja Film Contest, 2003, may be viewed here:

Holy Ninjas!



Thank you.
And furthermore, the following is from a correspondence between Holy Ninjas' Satan, Actor / Editor Ryan Rutan and a man named Sebastian Mahfood, an assistant professor from Kenrick-Glennon Seminary, St. Louis, Missouri, who saw the trailer online and took an interest in the film. He credits Rutan for "creating the film." That's incorrect, but its fine with me on the account that Rutan didn't get even close to enough cred for the ideas and editing work he put into this movie. The Director's Cut will hopefully restore credit where deserved, to those swell dudes from the Bamsley House. Most of you will be receiving Associate Producer credits, (or other titles I haven't made up yet). Props, guys!

Quoting Sebastian Mahfood's blog on Dante:

"Purgatory: Canto 6: Ante-Purgatory: Those who Died by Violence:
In Ryan Rutan's "Holy Ninjas," the spoof I played in Canto XVI of the Inferno about the young acolyte Abdul training for the priest ninjahood, a nun confides in the Pope, "Your Eminence, I'm quite concerned. The world is so violent. There's so much terror." While comically portrayed, Rutan's purpose was in exploring the concept of theodicy, the problem of evil in the world. If there is a just God, then why do bad things happen to good people? Why did so many good people meet their end by violence before they had the opportunity to repent, and how is it that good things happen to bad people who continue living with the same chance for redemption as those they've dispatched from this life?"

AND

"Inferno: Canto 28: Sebastian Mahfood said...
Folks, this just in from Ryan Rutan, the creator of the Holy Ninjas:

'Sebastian,

I must say that it was quite a surprise to receive your email. Holy Ninjas was a story devised by a friend of mine named Todd Mein, which we decided to film for a Ninja Film contest back in 2003. The footage you most likely saw was our 3 minute trailer submission, with the “Go Ninja Go” track in the background. We shot quite a bit of footage (30-45 minutes worth of storyline), but found it difficult to squeeze most of it into the 3 minute time slot….hence the rapid story pace. If memory serves me correctly, we never put the full movie together as a final product primarily due to time constraints; however, the footage is sitting around somewhere to be edited.

Needless to say, Abdul’s role in the story is explained in greater detail as he come transcends into the sacred trinity of ninjas to save the day. =) As for sequels, I know that there have been episodes drafted; however, bringing those episodes to fruition may be difficult as some of our cast members have moved out of state and time has become a scarce resource for all of us.

I would be most interested to know how you came by the video…I am aware that a link exists on my personal website; however, I am merely curious as to what chain of events led to your viewing of the file. I will forward your comments onto the cast and crew, as I am sure they will be delighted to hear of your comments.

If any updates come from your inquiry, I will be sure to let you know.

Thank you again for your interest and compliments,

Sincerely,

Ryan Rutan
rrutan@interconnect.net'

S.

4:41 PM"

We were delighted to hear of actual seminary students and future priests of America pontificating about our picture. Although, I think Mr. Mahfood might actually be insane. Hopefully, he will enjoy the Director's Cut! More on that later...

Identity.Gone

Here Lies Todd.



Oh Todd. Todd Mein. You do EXIST>>>>
1000000011101010101010101010101001
0010101010111101010101010001010101
1000000011101010101010101010101001
00wehave2beautifulchildren0010011111010
010010101011101010michelle0110101010
01010michelle0ma0belle010100110101010
01010100000001100011101michelle01010
0010101010111101010101010001010101
1000000011101010101010101010101001
0010101010111101010101010001010101
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
the (hello) FUTURE OR the (hello) PAST THE (good) FUTURE or the (good) past
THE (to) future OR THE (2) past the (C) FUTURE OR THE (see) PAST the (you) FUTURE (?)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
ALterNAtE UNi UnI UNi unI uni uni uni VERse VeRse VerSE vERse
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
death rattle@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Taxi With Sarah

A taxi, yes, a TAXI.

The Death of Slants

It's been almost four years, I guess, since Slants died.
What a tragedy. Gosh. Jeez.

Part One:


Part Two:

Man Eats Self

"You are what you eat."
Mike and I collaborated on this animation. I drew a picture and Mike won us $100 from this website (the now obsolete accidentalmoron.com) by animating it. It's a work in progress. And incredible to behold, as it depicts the human condition in the face of Guilt, the Cliché, and the repetition of Hell. Boo yah.